Losing my patients

I've been feeling poorly in a funny kind of way recently. Couldn't tell you that I had a pain or fever or weakness, only that something funny is going on. I've been spending a lot of my time staring at a computer screen at numbers and figures and names and lists and not speaking to people until the sun sets each evening. Last week when things were at their worst I wandered on to a hospital ward. It's something I'm allowed to do, honest. I just felt useless. I introduced myself to a nurse that I've met at least ten or so times as one of the (many) medical students. I asked if there was anything to be done. I was soon contracted to put in a cannula and help with the meals, which I did gladly. I don't know why but I need people, but not just that, patients. I need a uniform and a job and a time when I have to get up and don't want to. Things got much better after this. The gentleman I was helping to eat was greatful, he nodded his head to reveal a head of matted grey hair and said thank you. He probably didn't know that I had benefited as much as he. That's not wrong is it?

After that I admitted plenty of things to myself and felt much better.

I think there needs to be some more pictures around here.

Thinking of you in the garden

No pain.
No failing.
Not a falling.
No bruising,
Or torn skin.
Just a slow and gentle,
Descent.
The fading of a fragrance.
With a rose,
Remaining.
Rising.
Growing.
Staying.
A pink stain.

Pandas - they're a bit crap

Yesterday evening I was watching a programme about 'the complex relationship between china and nature'. During the programme there were plenty of pretty things, including quite a few pandas. There were also these points made
1. The female panda is only fertile for 2 days of the year
2. Pandas cannot hybernate owing their inability to store energy from their diet
3. Pandas will only eat bamboo - during the winter the leaves freeze so that they panda must defrost them by rubbing the leaves on their faces

Based on these, an other, facts I came to the conclusion that pandas are quite frankly crap. Infact the only thing that is keeping pandas alive is the IVF treatment that 'conservationists' are using to breed pandas because even when you put a lady and man panda together you just can get them to mate.

This was my original conclusion anyhow. After a little more thought it seemed that despite the ridiculousness of doing panda IVF and then bottle feeding (and burping!) them it does say something about human-beans. Even though we made do the most senseless, ideotic, stupid things (i mean really, you don't see a monkey trying to breastfeed a turtle do you?!) it makes us different. The fact we can be upset by another animal/persons suffering is our most redeeming feature.

2 days a year?? why?! how did they even get this far?

dreamy

I thought about a dream i had last night in between viral-induced snuffling and rolling around.

I lived in a little flat somewhere. The walls were a dark red-purple colour, with lots of things from lots of places all around. I had a different guitar (that was correct-handed) and lots of happy plants. I was reading a book, fiction i think and sitting with my feet out the window because it was warm. I was waiting for someone, don't know who but I was looking forward to them. I'd been places. I had a job somewhere that I could do. I hadn't neglected to eat or sleep to the point where I constantly ached.

It's pretty dull probably so sorry. It just made me smile when i woke up.