All in all.

All in all it was a big day today. Not one of those days you feel should be a big day, like birthdays and weddings (so I’m told). Just woke up and felt like I wanted to stay in bed, and didn’t. I presented a paper at a Journal club and my consultant, Mr Soltan, a inspiring man indeed, told me ‘I think you are going to be a good academic doctor’. It meant a lot, I don’t really know why, but it did. May it’s one of the things I want to be. I’d like to a be a good academic doctor. I’d like to be able to blow glass. I spoke to a lady who had had breast cancer, she was warm and I felt like we held something between us, not a thing which was of any particular use but it was there, and it felt good to be half of what was keeping it there. I tagged along with one of the registrars on call and watched whilst she put her entire arm inside a woman to remove what was left of the placenta after she had had a miscarriage. As blood turned red to black as it hit the blue drapes I felt a little weak. I felt the guilt of the joy I get from doing this. I felt like this might all be for nothing. As I was driving I listened to Ed Harcourt - til tomorrow then, it was nice. I don’t really understand things so much, sometimes you realise it more than others.